Side Orders • December 7, 2017

Kamaaina with valid Hawaii ID get 25 percent off of food and beverage at the Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa’s Teppan-yaki Dan, Black Rock Kitchen, Cliff Dive Bar and Mai Tai Bar with the exception of holidays and special events. Sheraton Maui photo

Kamaaina with valid Hawaii ID get 25 percent off of food and beverage at the Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa’s Teppan-yaki Dan, Black Rock Kitchen, Cliff Dive Bar and Mai Tai Bar with the exception of holidays and special events. Sheraton Maui photo

MY BUCKET LIST . . . On Friday, I planned to dash home to console the dog. I knew that Pua would have her head thrown back, wailing in ear-piercing tones to match the monthly tsunami siren test, and yowling even higher with the double whammy of an added nuclear siren test.

But a mountain of food arrived at The Maui News, a gift from former employee Valerie Vierra. The dog would have to tough it out. I heard the sirens anyway and flashed back to circa 1984, when my desk was next to the bomb shelter in the old World War II quonset hut.

It was the Lite Life section, the precursor to Currents and now the Pau Hana features section. I’d show bomb-shelter curiosity seekers the cobwebs and the vinyl records from KMVI Radio, but there were no food survival provisions.

On Friday, I thought about my wish list of food wants before a disaster strikes. But I’m not talking about “cans in the pantry.” For sure, I must have some creamed spinach from Ruth’s Chris Steak House. I’m not the only one who loves it. Randy Schoch just sold the Hawaii Ruth’s franchise for $35 million, so I know others are out there with that yen.

I want to devour Longhi’s world-famous pizza bread. And, I’d like to wash it down with a swig from the same case of the most expensive bottle ever sold, Setting Wines Alexander Valley cabernet sauvignon that was donated to Emeril Lagasse Foundation’s charity wine auction last month in New Orleans for $350,000.

“Shep Gordon donated the wine, and he brought a bottle from the same case to Longhi’s Lahaina after Maui Invitational,” says Peter Longhi. “It was really good, a special treat.”

Now it’s on my bucket list. But I hear Shep’s probably too busy to think about me as he was seen dining at Humble Market Kitchin the other night with Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and actors Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde. So I’ll opt for fresh oysters from Maui Prime Fine Foods in Lahaina.

But I won’t eat all of these things at once, like the friends in the 1973 satire film, “Le Grande Bouffe” who schemed to gorge themselves to death. No, I would stretch it out for an eternity.

Of course, before I die I must try the new Market Night Hawaiian Churasacria that is based on the Brazilian concept of meat brought to your table and carved in front of you that is now sizzling at DUO Steak & Seafood at the Four Seasons Resort Maui in Wailea. It’s hot, hot, hot.

I’m champing at the bit to try the Sunday Brunch on the Reef that will launch in the new year at Humuhumunukunukuapua’a at Grand Wailea, A Waldorf Astoria Resort with amazing raw bar delicacies displayed in dazzling ice sculptures.

In fact, did you know Waldorf Astoria in New York City created the original eggs Benedict? When Brunch on the Reef opens, try Grand Wailea’s version with fresh ahi crusted in cilantro and shiso ladled with an adobo-loco Hollandaise.

And, I would love to sip Veuve Clicquot at the Vinyasa Flow Social Hour at Spa Grande at 5:30 pm. today. Cost is $25 and you can get your yoga on while the bubbles effervesce.

I also can’t wait to try Sheldon Simeon’s new Wailea concept when it opens in the second quarter of next year. Another business entity is holding the original domaine name of Calabash, so now it’s called Lineage and will be worth the wait.

Ono Gelato Hawaii’s holiday flavors get a thumb’s up, too. A friendly representative dropped by The Maui News with candy cane and eggnog flavors, after the mountain of food we ate for lunch. Hmm . . . maybe I am doing “Le Grande Bouffe” and didn’t even know it.

The bottom line is, disaster or no, life is too short. So don’t eat boring food.

* Got restaurant/dining-event scoop?

Call Dining Editor Carla Tracy at 242-6342; or email carlatracy@mauinews.com.

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