The bright side of high costs

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

– Woody Allen

Certainly the nicest thing about the high cost of health care is that it limits exposure to your doctor.

Who wants to shell out a couple of hundred clams just to hear you have flat feet, bad breath and need to lose 75 pounds? It wouldn’t be worth the aggravation if it was only 10 bucks.

Not only that, but the tests doctors do to determine those ailments hurt.

“Turn your head and cough.” No, you turn your head and cough while your privates are mashed.

“Give up this, give up that.” No, thanks, the next stop is the liquor store.

The purpose of this treatise today is to look at health care costs in a different light. Everybody complains about how expensive medical care is in this country. Well, what would happen if it was cheap? You’d feel obligated to see the doctor more, then you’d be depressed all the time.

Knowing that a good medical checkup will cost more than a flat-screen TV, most of us opt for the TV. Disney Channel aside, flat-screen TVs provide more fun than most laboratories and doctors’ offices.

A recent stay in a hospital has absolutely convinced us that – despite a lot of nice folks – those places are to be avoided. Keep your rates with your catheters – out of reach.

So, be happy the next time you conclude you just can’t afford that trip to the doctor’s office. Your mental health, as well as your personal dignity, has just been preserved.

And it’s all because we are blessed with unimaginable health care costs. Aren’t we lucky?

(A version of this editorial has appeared previously in The Maui News.)

* Editorials reflect the opinion of the publisher.