Things could be a lot worse

As faithful readers know, we occasionally relate unusual stories to make you feel better about your lot in life.

So, even if there are a few bumps in your road, be thankful you are not:

1. The snake handler. A Mesa, Ariz., man was arrested and charged with stealing baby boa constrictors by shoving them down the front of his pants.

According to, Mesa police said the man went to the same pet store – twice – and each time shoved baby albino constrictors into his pants.

After the first theft, the man allegedly went to another pet store and traded several of the snakes for a reptile aquarium. It is at least somewhat comforting to know that the man was not considering his nether regions as a permanent home for the constrictors.

2. The unhappy couple. The Centre Daily Times reports that Pennsylvania newlyweds preparing for their reception were charged with stealing over $1,000 worth of food they planned to serve at the gala.

The unfortunate lovebirds were caught by supermarket surveillance cameras putting items into their car without paying for them. While searching the car, police also found a glass smoking pipe with marijuana residue. The groom was then charged with possessing drug paraphernalia.

3. The boorish john. Sheriff’s deputies in Wells, Nev., arrested a customer at Donna’s Ranch brothel after he threw a drink at an establishment employee and later brandished a firearm outside the business in protest of the music playing on a jukebox. reported the man was so enraged by the jukebox music he threw a bloody mary at the employee. After two women escorted him out of the brothel, he went to his car, got a gun and began banging on a plate glass window. He was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

Apparently, the music was not one of Wayne Newton’s songs since assaulting someone for playing one of them is not a crime in Nevada (nor in most civilized societies).

(A version of this editorial has appeared previously in The Maui News.)

* Editorials reflect the opinion of the publisher.