F.O.P (Fresh Off da Plane)

The beautiful people

I have a probably pretty lame theory about people who visit Maui: They employ 90 percent of the personal trainers on the mainland (We‘ll talk about the plastic enhanced some other day.).

It’s not as though I can look at anyone here and know whether they are native born, kamaaina or malihini, like me. But I’ve noticed a few signs. There are, of course, differences in race, although I can't tell you what they are. Who can? Why bother? 

However, there’s a good reason the rainbow is Hawaii’s symbol. Love is blind or at least pretty darn far-sighted in Hawaii‘s history.

I can tell who surfs. They, as well as the paddlers, are obviously in the best shape. Better than the ubiquitous joggers and cyclists, I think.

Sinewy is the word I would use. Both the men and women can have extremely cut abs and large or defined biceps with usually broad shoulders. Swimmers’ shoulders.

Maybe I’m wrong, but they tend to have skinny legs, though. I guess it’s because the strong paddling doesn’t really require a lot of leg work. Maybe that’s why so many run so much. I’ve been told that some surfers go to the gym specifically to work out only their legs.

Being from the Midwest, big-boned folks are the norm. We have lots of buffets. The Scandis‘, or Scandinavians, call ‘em smorgasbords. A lot like a luau, except with way more carbs and milk fat, and polka instead of hula.

And it’s not like there aren’t plenty of big people here. But I’m sorry, let’s face it, milquetoast Minnesota skin ain‘t as becoming. We reflect light rather than absorb it.

Even with good portion of Southern Italian extra virgin olive oil in my blood (It literally has a green tint sometimes. Take me to your leader, brah.), this place can make one feel a little self conscious at times.

I was so skinny growing up, they used to call me Bones. It was also a play on my last name, Hamilton. It went from Hambone to Bones pretty quick. I ain’t skinny anymore. I weigh about 200. But I was up to 242 lbs more than a year ago.

So I know little, and I know big. I’d rather be in-between.

Apparently, it’s not just my narrow view from the car window or mountain bike that people here tend to be in better shape.

The numbers substantiate that Hawaii is a good place for healthy livin‘. This year, the nonprofit, Trust for America's Health, ranked Hawaii as the 50th in level of adult obesity in the nation at 16.4 percent; which still ain’t great shakes, of course.

Alabama was last with 28 percent (Wow.). Minnesota had a 23 percent obesity rate. Colorado was lowest with 16 percent (Wash. D.C. was included in the report, http://healthyamericans.org/reports/obesity/, that used numbers from 2003.).

And why not be healthier here? All ya’ll gotta do is walk out your door any day of the week, all year round, and keep walking. Ah, paradise is nice.

Still, who knows what the numbers are today?

Here’s a strange dichotomy: People in Hawaii also spend more than anyone else in the nation every year on fast food, at $609 a year per person. Those numbers are from 2002 and were the latest I could find.

But the health experts also say those digits are misleading. Food here, in general, can cost 40 percent more or higher than on the mainland. And the definition of fast food here is different.

For instance, I can guarantee that my pops in Duluth has never ordered sashimi, saimin or pho to go fo’ sho.

Anyhew, I don’t blame anyone for any way they look or want to look. I understand.

I just hope ya think ya look good, because everyone does to me. And more importantly, we should feel good. That’s gonna take more work with diabetes, heart disease and cancer rampant. But people here do better than most, and that is one more in the long list of reasons to be happy in HI.

No matter how we weigh ourselves against other states.