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November 26, 2011 - Harry Eagar
All rightthinking Americans are appalled at reports that mobs of idle people are hanging out, accomplishing nothing useful, on private property, damaging buildings, destroying merchandise, fighting amongst themselves, shoplifting and attracting unsavory elements who commit assaults and robberies, even shooting innocent bystanders.
Given their prior record on maintaining the public safety and order, the mayors of America can do nothing less than call out their goon squads, with their armor and shields; their tear gas guns, pepper spray and truncheons; their jackboots and armored cars, black marias and fetid cells and clear out the Wal-Marts of this country.
(But if you want the humorous version of the police state, spend a few minutes with the Amazon reviews of pepper spray. The reviewers are trying to be funny, but they are not nearly as funny as the merchants who, when a dollar is at stake, will stop at nothing to raise a laugh.
(Far funnier than the mock reviews is Amazon's warning “Only 6 left in stock – order soon,” followed by an estimate of how likely you are to get your Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray from eCop! Police Supply in time for Christmas.)
Don't disappoint your children. Buy it today, let them try it on your unemployed neighbors tomorrow.
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