Aloha attire is not for me.

It looks good on you. Just not on me. I know for sure it worked for my grandma and grandpa when they were on their honeymoon here in the 1930s. They had four kids. Aloha!

When I was in the eighth grade, I took one of those career tests (It was in shop class. Odd, huh?). The tap-tap-tap readout told me I should either be a journalist or a reverend. Who knew those things sorta worked? At least, I hope it was accurate.

Over the last 10 years of my professional career, it’s felt like I’ve been a bitty bit of the latter at times (Occasionally, I‘ve been a lot of the former.). Every now and then, I felt like a sad-sack version of the clothe because for several years I covered violent crimes and then the subsequent court cases.

I’ve interviewed dozens of people with missing children, friends in violent accidents, hospitalized siblings and murdered parents. 

At times, I have sat through weeks of court testimony and city council meetings. Usually, wearing a necktie. I like to think it kept the tears of pain or boredom from welling up. And it looks good on me.

I think the main reason I was given those career choices by the Texas Instruments 3000 had more to do with the fact that I’ve never minded wearing a suit, which incidentally factored into to several of the test questions (Stock broker was a distant third, even though I admitted to loathing math, which, incidently, was another sign I‘d be a reporter.).

I’m not a huge tie-and-jacket guy. I love a great suit and own several decent ones, but most often I’d rather be wearing shorts. I was once asked by the executive editor at my last gig to go home and change into pants when the brass came to town during a heat wave (Hey, I was supposed to be chasing heat-stroke victims.).

Insert segue here:

When I got the job in Maui, my friend and colleague, Patrick Garmoe, who lived here as a child, was thrilled for me that I’d get to wear floral patterns and khakis. He said even the TV news folks in Honolulu wore them. I wound up receiving five Tommy Bahama shirts before I left.

I’m sorry, friends, but I only have one Aloha shirt now. I just feel silly wearing them. I haven’t made the transition.

I still can’t wear shorts or flip flops on the job at The Maui News. But here’s the real crux: I’ve found that I’m also discouraged from even wearing a tie (which go-with-the-flow journalists at my last paper implicitly discouraged as well.).

Here, though, it’s an outright taboo. Even though most of my ties are my grandfather‘s or vintage-store bought with flower patterns, PEOPLE DO NOT WANT ME TO WEAR THEM. Not my bosses. Not my colleagues. Not even people at the Chamber of Commerce.

On my first day, I wore a floral pattern cravat circa 1920 and was told as I walked in the door, “You really look like a Mainlander fresh off the boat.”

Again, I was politely told today -- for the second time -- by different unnamed source, “Hamilton, if you keep this up, we’re all going to be expected to wear ties.”

‘Nuff said. I get it. Nobody wants me to disturb the island. I am not going to upset the wonderful balance you have managed to achieve. I don’t blame you. I respect it the heck out it and the culture.

But maybe you can grandfather me in? He’d get a kick out of that.