It’s unusual, but men can be victims

Article Photos

Fact Box

GETTING HELP

Help is available for victims and for offenders in

domestic violence situations.

Women Helping Women:

* 24-hour domestic violence hotline, 579-9581

* West Maui Advocacy Center, 661-7111

* For assistance on Lanai, call 565-6700

* Wailuku administrative office, 242-6600

Hale Ho'omalu, domestic violence shelter, Molokai, 567-6888

Molokai Alternatives to Violence, 553-3202

Child & Family Service, 877-6888

Parents and Children Together (Family Peace

Center), 244-2330

WAILUKU - Maui domestic violence counselors agree that men are not usually the victims in a violent relationship but men tend not to report the violence because they think asking for help is cowardly.

"When a woman kills, it definitely gets people's attention because it's so outside the norm. It's not very often we see women who are killing anybody," said Stacey Moniz, executive director of Women Helping Women.

Last year in Hawaii, seven to eight women were killed by a man, Moniz said, adding that she can't recall the last time a woman killed a man in the islands.

Lucy Feinberg, Maui regional director for Parents and Children Together, said old statistics show that 5 percent to 10 percent of victims are men, but now it appears to be greater than that.

Feinberg said, like women, men face hurdles in reporting abuse against them, including the embarrassment factor, a fear of not being believed and a fear that they possibly would be blamed as the perpetrator.

"Society doesn't really allow for men to ask for help," Moniz added.

Moniz and Feinberg responded to questions about the stabbing death of John Shaniyo, a 33-year-old Kahului man allegedly killed by his girlfriend, Rachael Berta.

Berta, 23, is charged with second-degree murder, with District Judge Simone Polak on Friday finding probable cause to hold Berta on the charge for trial in 2nd Circuit Court.

Witnesses in the Kauai Street neighborhood said they heard the couple arguing before police arrived at the home on Monday to find Shaniyo lying on the floor with a severe wound to his abdomen.

Court records show Berta was convicted of harassment of her boyfriend for an Oct. 26 incident in which she was initially charged with abuse of a household member. In that incident, police reports indicate Berta had been intoxicated.

Domestic violence against men could affect anyone, neighbors, friends and just folks you might see walking down the street, the counselors said.

"If you met them on the street, you would have no idea," said Julie Kean of Child and Family Service on Maui.

She said male victims are not "physically wimpy guys," and they can be men in their mid-20s to early 30s.

No one should be ashamed to report being a victim, she said. But like women, men are trying to find out what they have done wrong and sometimes assume the blame for the violent reaction of a girlfriend or wife, she said.

"The victim should not be blamed," she said.

Kean is group facilitator for CFS' women's anger/aggressor group, which counsels female offenders. Last year, three men visited the office to ask for victim counseling, she said.

In 2007, no men showed up for counseling.

Despite its name, Women Helping Women can also assist men who are victims of domestic abuse, Moniz said.

In reflecting on reports of the Shaniyo case, Feinberg said the signs of domestic violence and lethal factors were apparent long before the stabbing occurred.

"It doesn't start with a knifing," she said.

Feinberg said Shaniyo appeared to be protective of the alleged batterer, trying to get help for her alcohol addiction. There were trouble signs in police reports that Berta was harming herself - abusing alcohol and cutting herself.

It is typical of victims to make efforts to "help" a perpetrator.

"They think they somehow have the power to make the person change. That feeling can lead to many of these incidents escalating," she said.

The tragedy in the case is that the stabbing could have been prevented if an intervention had occurred earlier, she said. Feinberg said courts should recognize the importance of their role to get offenders into intervention programs and make sure they complete those programs.

A few offenders seek help on their own, but Feinberg said offenders are more motivated to seek help and programs when it is court ordered.

Kean said domestic violence harms "our entire community."

"No matter if it's male or female. . . . It harms all of us. Because it harms children, it harms families. . . . It's something we all need to be aware of," she said.

Moniz called for more community involvement, with neighbors, friends and family watching out for each other, no matter if the victim is a male or female.

"Wouldn't you rather call the police and (later learn) it's just a little fight and it's no big deal, than not call and find out someone has been killed or killed someone else?" she asked.

* Melissa Tanji can be reached at mtanji@mauinews.com.