KAHULUI - Sports as "a microcosm of life" has the ability - if given the chance - to teach young athletes more than simply how to kick or throw a ball or to play the game, says an official with the nonprofit Positive Coaching Alliance. And while winning on the scoreboard may be a goal, if it is the only goal, as legendary football coach Vince Lombardi suggests, then so much is lost on the child athlete.
"We want winners. We want competitors, but we want that life lesson piece," said Kiha Pimental, a trainer with the Alliance who ran a workshop Saturday for Maui United Soccer Club parents in the Maui Waena Intermediate School Cafeteria.
Learning to deal with defeat, overcoming challenges, seeing the benefits of hard work, working together as a team are some of the character values from sports that young athletes can take with them into their adult lives.
"We're coaching a life," said Pimental. "We're not only coaching a sport."
The Alliance, run within the Stanford University Athletic Department in California, is working to change a culture of sports where coaches only coach to win and only teach technical skills and where parents degrade referees and pressure their young athletes while trying to live vicariously through them.
On its website, the Alliance says it holds events nationwide to create "double-goal" coaches, "whose first goal is winning and whose second, more-important goal is teaching life lessons through sports"; "second-goal parents, who focus on helping their youth athletes learn those life lessons"; and "triple-impact competitors, student athletes who strive to improve themselves, their teammates and their sport as a whole."
The former coach at Kamehameha Schools Kapalama and football player at Stanford University had spent a couple of hours with Maui United coaches before turning his attention to club parents. On Maui, Pimental has done seminars for King Kekaulike High School, Kamehameha Schools Maui, Pony baseball and the Pono athletic programs.
Pimental spent his lively hour-and-a-half presentation debunking untruths about coaching and youth sports, getting the audience to engage in exercises of self-reflection and empathy for their children, preaching the benefits of positive coaching and parenting and unfurling the opportunities for learning in youth sports.
The Alliance trainer tried to get parents to see winning in a different light, not only focusing on the "scoreboard definition." He offered a "mastery definition" of winning that included effort, learning and the acceptance of mistakes.
Throughout the session, he provided facts about youth athletics, throwing in a "relax" after a bit of information that might debunk a widely held belief. For example, he noted that:
* Less than 1 percent of high school athletes get college scholarships. Student athletes "have way more chance of getting a scholarship if they study," he said.
* Those few athletes that may have college-level skills are better off being multisport athletes, he said. Different sports allow young athletes to use different muscles, which may prevent injury in the long run, and the diversity may prevent burnout. The highly successful Punahou School supports multisport athletes, Pimental said.
Keeping things lively and fun for young athletes is critical to keeping them playing. Pimental said studies show that 70 percent of players quit sports by age 13.
"The longer you can keep it fun, the longer they will play," he said.
For parents, that means providing positive feedback, love and support. Pimental noted that a survey of successful professional and Olympic athletes showed that "unconditional love and support is the ground behind all these great athletes."
The young athletes don't need the "DAGL," or "dreaded after-game lecture," said Pimental, eliciting a roar of laughter from the parents. They don't need their parents coaching from the stands, sometimes contradicting the coach; using negative language and lecturing rather than listening. He reminded parents that they are models of behavior for their young athletes.
He offered some tips:
* The "magic ratio" of positive statements to criticism is 5 to 1 (Pimental added that marriages where the ratio is 1 to 1 end in divorce, according to the study).
* "If you are starting a cheer with a verb, you are not cheering, you are coaching," he said, citing "get the ball" as an example. Adjectives as lead words are better.
* When in a conversation with a child about athletics, make sure the child is talking at least 70 percent of the time. If the parent is talking 70 percent of the time, the conversation is likely "about you," the parent. Let the child set the terms of the talk.
* Parents may police parents in the stands. If a parent is being negative or haranguing a referee, give that parent a lollipop, a signal to tone it down.
Paul Williams, a parent of a Maui United player at the gathering, said his wife, Angie, will keep him under control at games, stomping on his feet at times. They recently moved to Maui from Texas, where coaching by parents could lead to their expulsion from games.
"I know I need to keep myself under control on the sidelines," he said.
Jackie Turner, whose daughter plays for Maui United, said sometimes she and other parents coach at games, but they always keep things positive.
"This is a learning process," added Malia Mendez, whose daughter also plays for the club.
For Dr. Lee Miyasato, an organizer of the event and whose daughter plays for the club, the Alliance workshop was a chance to "spread a culture in the community where positive coaching is the emphasis on youth athletics." He's been witness to verbal abuse by parents of their children and other children and referees. At the recent President's Cup on Oahu in which his daughter played, police had to be called to the field to deal with a dispute.
Officials and referees often catch the brunt of criticism from parents harping on alleged favoritism or missed calls. Pimental took a "life learning" approach, pointing out that bosses often don't care about the difficulties - or in the context of a game a missed call - but only whether the job is done.
Those looking for the negative will see it, Pimental continued. What the Alliance is coaching people to do "is look for what's right, pure," he added.
Pimental understands as well as any other athlete the pain of a missed or disputed call. He was on the Stanford sideline for "The Play."
On Nov. 20, 1982, the Cardinal played the California Golden Bears in California Memorial Stadium with a bowl bid on the line. A win and the Cardinal were headed to the Hall of Fame Classic.
NFL Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway led the Cardinal to a go-ahead and seemingly winning touchdown with four seconds left in the game. But California took the ensuing kickoff and made five laterals en route to a disputed touchdown and 25-20 victory. The Stanford Band - and Pimental - had run on the field to celebrate during the return when it appeared the California runner was tackled.
"The guy was down," Pimental recalled, adding that he had thoughts of playing in a bowl game dancing in his head at the time.
He and the rest of the Cardinal were stunned when the touchdown was upheld. Even during the bus ride home - where Pimental sat behind Elway - they believed the touchdown was "bogus" and would be overturned.
It wasn't.
He's not bitter about it.
"It's fun. It's a piece of history . . . the most recognized play in football history," said Pimental.
"That's the joy of it."
* Lee Imada can be reached at leeimada@mauinews.com.
Online:
* Positive Coaching Alliance: www.positivecoach.org
