Males are clueless when it comes to the purview of the female of the species.
Like the poor confused caribou in Jack London's tales of Alaska during the gold rush years of the 1890s, today's average father of an engaged daughter stands by haplessly as packs of wolves (the females in the family) plot his demise. Certainly the savage slaughters of the Arctic tundra seem an apt comparison to the planning of a wedding and reception.
Instead of slashing teeth, the females use a Platinum Visa Card to make the Old Buck (father) bleed profusely from a wicked wound to the hind quarters.
Luckily, the elder is joined in his confusion by a Young Buck (also known as the future son-in-law). He, too, stands idly by waiting to catch his share of the bills the females are ginning up, or - if he is lucky - a shot straight to the head from a hunter who cannot tell the difference between an innocent deer and an even more innocent bridegroom.
Certainly, human mating games of the 21st century are more complex (and a heckuva lot more expensive) than the howling canine massacres of "White Fang" and "Call of the Wild." It is difficult for today's human males to understand how much the females have "saved them" by choosing this dress or location over another. Much like the noble - but dumb - caribou, they discover they were not guests at the party, they were the meal.
The unwitting young male may say out loud, "But how about that (red, blue, short or long) dress I love you in? How about's we get married at that joint with the sweet potato fries and no cover charge?"
Ah, you poor feckless lout. Your only possible ally is your future father-in-law - and he has already been told by the senior female in the pack to clam up and clear the balance on the second credit card.
No, the groom is not going to spend the second quarter of his wedding day enjoying deep-fried cholesterol and cheap draft beer. The father of the bride is destined to pass that fateful day moping about the loss of his princess and trying to count the number of drink tickets cashed at the bar.
But, the bride will be a vision in white. Her mother will be a vision in enforcement. And, all the males involved will be thankful for the women in their lives - and the strength they displayed that made the day possible.
* Editorials reflect the opinion of the publisher.
