The world - especially pub patrons - still mourns the untimely death of Paul the Octopus.
Paul, you may recall, was the toast of the 2010 World Cup Soccer matches. The octopus, who lived in an aquarium in Berlin, is credited with correctly predicting the outcome of eight World Cup matches, including the final where Spain beat the Netherlands, 1-0.
Octopi are apparently fascinated by hours of running and kicking, then running and kicking, then running and kicking - all to end up in a 0-0 tie.
Little is known about Paul's youth and whether or not he actually played soccer. One can only assume that if he did play, with eight arms and no legs, he was undoubtedly a goalie. Internet rumors say his soccer career was probably cut short by a rotator cuff injury.
He is survived by his widow, Mrs. Paul, who continues to conduct a brisk business in frozen seafood.
His death has sparked conspiracy theories all over the Internet. One such theory ties poor Paul's death to Hawaii politics. Allegedly, the octopus was asked to pick winners in August's primary. Paul studied the ballot for 12 minutes, then took the easy way out and died.
Don't pull a Paul. Put your grief aside and make sure you are registered to vote.
(Portions of the above have appeared previously in The Maui News. For the next few days, guest editorials and ones that have previously appeared will be featured in this spot as we go in for a medical tuneup).
* Editorials reflect the opinion of the publisher.