A 79-year-old overweight male goes to bed at 9 p.m. following a huge dinner and doesn’t wake up the next morning.
Too bad, that thing happens all the time . . . unless his death was the result of a conspiracy! Dum, da-dum, dum!
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was quail hunting in Texas last Friday, had a big dinner and didn’t show up for breakfast the next morning. The owner of the posh hunting resort where Scalia was staying went to the judge’s room and found him dead. He was clad in his pajamas and there was no sign of a disturbance.
A local judge ruled there was no need for an autopsy and Scalia’s body was transported to an El Paso mortuary where it was embalmed. It was later flown back to Washington, D.C.
Conspiracy theories immediately began.
CNN reported that a former head of criminal investigations in Washington, D.C., named William O. Ritchie put a post on Facebook that fanned the flames.
“I am stunned that no autopsy was ordered for Justice Scalia. . . . My gut tells me there is something fishy going on in Texas.”
Donald Trump, of course, jumped into the fray by telling conservative talk show host Michael Savage, “They say they found a pillow on his face, which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow.” Savage responded by asking for a Warren Commission-style investigation.
Except the report Trump was citing dealt with the owner who found Scalia’s body. The owner, John Poindexter of Cibolo Creek Ranch, explained the situation this way to CNN:
“I think enough disclosures were made and what I said precisely was accurate. He had a pillow over his head, not over his face as some have been saying. The pillow was against the headboard and over his head when he was discovered. He looked like someone who had had a restful night’s sleep. There was no evidence of anything else.”
CNN quoted a law enforcement official as saying, “There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in Justice Scalia’s room. There were no signs of foul play.” He added that officials know the difference between dying during sleep and suffocation.
Our own theory is that Scalia was probably killed by the same guy who shot John Kennedy from the grassy knoll in Dallas. Both deaths were in Texas and, you know, they never caught him – so he’s still out there.
Dum, da-dum, dum!
* Editorials reflect the opinion of the publisher.