Ebon Moss-Bachrach (from left) Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby and Joseph Quinn pose for photographers upon arrival at the launch event of the film 'Fantastic Four First Steps' on Thursday, July 10, 2025, in London. Photo by Scott A Garfitt/Invision/AP

“The Fantastic Four: First Steps” is the closest Marvel Studios has come yet to making a good movie out of their durable Jack Kirby/Stan Lee comic book. Like its main character, this new version is awfully square, amusing and hard to care about.

The prologue, giving a quick backstory and highlight reel (including a nice nod to the comic book’s first issue) is a lot of fun. We see everyone in action, as Mr. Fantastic (played by Pedro Pascal), Sue Storm (played by Vanessa Kirby), The Thing (played by Ebon-Ross Bachrach) and Johnny Storm (played by Joseph Quinn) save the day and extras wearing superhero swag smile and wave at the camera.

Then, it’s a lot of scenes of our heroes being domestic and doing exciting things like cooking. It’s weird to watch a $200 million hangout movie, but here we are. After far too much of this and the cast exuding low-watt chemistry, the story turns cosmic. Yet, once we’re in space, things really go wrong.

The evil Galactus, who is roughly the size of Mount Everest, is after Sue’s baby. The only suspense the film ever manages is putting a baby in jeopardy, which is pretty low hanging fruit. Seeing the evil space god long for the tyke brought back memories of Viggo the Carpathian yearning for Sigourney Weaver’s infant in “Ghostbusters II” (1989). All of the outer space scenes play into the film’s obsession with nostalgia, as this portion closely resembles the awful 1998 “Lost in Space” movie.

Nostalgia is the most potent thing here, as the primary setting, Earth-828, looks like the 1960s but has a jumble of vehicles and machines from different parts of the 20th century. We see a Warhol painting and vinyl records, the characters give one another fist bumps, yet watch a popular talk show not unlike Jack Benny. I always enjoyed the twinkling art direction and visual design, but never cared about anyone, let alone sensed any real danger.

Once again, after two Jessica Alba-led versions (2005-2007), the ambitiously dark but botched (and universally despised) Josh Trank take in 2015, this series is, once again, earnest and little else. If you’re curious, I’ve seen the infamous 1994 Roger Corman-produced “The Fantastic Four,” which was made for $1 million and only available as a bootleg. Watching it from start to finish is cruel and inhumane, akin to sitting through “Cats” (2019).

Pascal is a great actor but casting him as a nerdy stick in the mud wasn’t a good idea. He’s far more dynamic as a corrupt mayor in Ari Aster’s controversial “Eddington.” Kirby has the indignity of a birthing scene during a generic space race but still gives the best performance here. Moss-Bachrach doesn’t do enough to stand out from the creature design, while Quinn never conveys the supposed charisma of the character. I missed what Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans brought to The Thing and Johnny Storm in the otherwise bland 2005 version.

The best Fantastic Four movie is still “The Incredibles” (2004). In fact, the action character dynamics and humor in the Incredible family is still more potent than anything here. Watching Mr. Fantastic stretch like a pulled Twizzler and arch his body around buildings made me wish I watching that movie (or “Incredibles 2”) instead.

I don’t have superhero movie fatigue — in fact, I’m still buzzing over the “Guardians of the Galaxy” trilogy, adored both “Black Panther” films (2018-2022) and “Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings” (2021) is my all-time favorite Marvel movie. When these movies have heart and are character-driven, spectacle is a welcome addition and not the only reason for existing.

Here, you have four capable actors who, from start to finish, seem like they’re always meeting for the first time. There are no sparks, not even from reliable pros like Pascal and Kirby. The only thing putting the viewer on edge is whether a tyke is going to be snatched by a lumbering bad guy, which is pretty desperate. These first steps are more like baby steps.

I’ll wait another decade and hope the next time they give this franchise a try, they get four actors who click. Aside from the shiny sets, “Jetsons”-ready vehicles and cool retro gadgets, little here sticks. That post end credits scene offers more child peril (nice job, Disney!) and more real tension than the entire two-hour more before it. Talk about a fantastic bore.

(2 stars out of four)

Barry Wurst II is the founder of the Hawaii Film Critics Society and teaches film classes at University of Hawai’i Maui College.