When a human being is dry and windy a physician might call it dehydration and flatulence.

One might therefore suggest that Maui is suffering from Sjogren’s Syndrome. This sounds better to the lay resident of Maui, even though he or she may never have heard of Sjogren’s or knew what it refers to.

Over the weekend, as I strolled through a hot Paia, I noticed the great girth that seemed to circle and sag around the middle of many visitors. One could almost hear the gurgling going on in the digestive and eliminative tracts.

Why do you suppose so many Americans overeat to a ridiculous degree?

I was taught many things about eating. Such as “all superfluous food is harmful.” Or “Americans eat four times too much food.”

How about “Food is the chains of the Devil.” Maybe “avoid food just as you do quarrels.”

And this one was a student study: “It has been found that as long as an overweight woman’s weight does not exceed the weight of her husband, it will not cause domestic friction.”

One, however, rarely sees an overweight elderly man, which is fortunate, because men can lose up to four inches getting to 75. Women, on the other hand, lose half of that in stature.

In truth, when I rented a post office box in Makawao, I could look into my top shelf box. Now I must jump up to do so.

Raphael O’Suna

Haiku